Tag Archives: freedom

Enough.

As a recovering perfectionist, I was never enough.

And I was terrified of failing, so I got in my own way and often wouldn’t even try.
I wouldn’t speak up for myself when I was overlooked because I wasn’t enough.

I couldn’t take a compliment when I played a solid piano recital or got a good grade because I always believed there was more that I could do. I could do better. That other girl played WAY better than me anyway.

Feeling like you are not enough is the equivalent to not accepting and loving yourself. 

Nothing you do is ever good enough. No mountain is high enough because you are always looking to the next mountain to climb, even when you reach the top of the first mountain!
[That mountain analogy came from a conversation about enough-ness with a very dear friend of mine – she came up with it, and I just love it.]

If you are struggling with “not enough-ness” there is probably some lack of self-acceptance and self-love stuff going on. 

And it really doesn’t take a whole lot or even a long time to move through it. It does require acknowledging your state of enough-ness.

You’re never going to believe you are enough just because people tell you so – YOU have to believe it so.

So…
What is enough? What does it feel like to FEEL LIKE ENOUGH?
I’d love to share with you what it means and feels like to me…
It feels like right in this moment all that I have done and all that I am – I accept.
It feels like peace.
It feels like unconditional love.
It feels like my shoulders soften and my heart opens.
It feels like a gentle cry.
It feels like accepting and loving me no matter how hard I fall.

Enough feels like total freaking freedom.

What does enough feel like to you?

Please share this with someone who needs to hear these words.

With Love,

MC

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From foundation, finding freedom in the body

How is it that we can be so cruel to ourselves that we wish we could chop off a handful of body fat?

I shot a short video this week for my upcoming workshops on body image. Lee, the videographer, had it all organized and planned out, she told me exactly what I needed to do. It couldn’t have gone smoother in that regard.

She prompted me to write down the good and the bad about my body. Both of which caused a different kind of dis-ease: I felt deeply saddened to see how easily I could conjure what I dislike and on the other hand slightly embarrassed or pompous for what I did like. Am I being bombastic by saying I’m damn sexy?FullSizeRender

Lee suggested we do a shot with me just in yoga pants and a bra. Sure thing! I’m comfortable practicing this way, so why not?

Before we shot I changed into a “better bra” – it made no difference but as I was pulling the black bra over my shoulders I realized I was doing this in an attempt to look slimmer. Oh my god. I stopped myself. I realized it made no difference which bra I chose or how I looked – what mattered was this internal dialog. This manipulation of my mind that I could care SO MUCH about which bra I wore for the shoot. Which bra would be more flattering to my tummy? Which bra would dig in the least on my back? This was what I was really looking for.

Now there were practical purposes: I wanted a black bra since the shoot was black & white and I thought that would read clearer on camera.

As I stood against the blank wall, holding my #BodyLove sign, belly exposed, Lee with camera in hand – I felt terribly uncomfortable. Lee asked me to smile. I thought “from where?” I felt like a lump standing in front of the camera. I felt like a TOTAL JOKE. I didn’t have this body image shit down at all!

But this is the reality of our relationships with our bodies: we are always going to have those moments, days even, where we can be really down on ourselves.

The last thing Lee had me do was a very brief yoga practice to get some movement shots. As I angled into side chair I could feel the little side rolls where my tummy and back meet. These rolls have been a sore spot for me. As a child I would look at myself in the mirror, tilt sideways and see how much fat I could gather in one hand. I wished I could cut it all off.

This time though, instead of hatred for the rolls, I had nothing but love and support.

It’s difficult to describe but this part of my body that I have tried for so long to make disappear is now one of my most favorite things about me. My perspective has completely shifted so that when in a side bend I feel the rolls building one on top of the other and like a solid foundation beneath a house, they hold my heart up. From foundation I find freedom.

When I stepped into my yoga practice during the shoot, I reconnected with my body. It felt like “Phew, OK, this is me. I am home.” I disconnected from the self-loathing thoughts and was able to transport myself to reveling in the shapes my body created. These shapes are unique to my body and mine alone.

The contrast is remarkable: between the judgement over the image I see in the mirror and that of feeling love for my body radiating from the inside out. It is such a full feeling that even the nastiest thought about my body can’t ever compete. A learning moment came from this video shoot which was to reinforce how powerful a yoga practice can be for appreciation and acceptance of our bodies.

When approached with an open mind and an open heart, the practice connects you with your body. This connection is pure and free from criticism, judgment, or hate. This connection is about love.

A deep thank you to Lee Tripler for her time and talent on the video shoot.
If you are local please check out my events page for information on the lululemon launch class & party (July 17) and a workshop at Catch a Healthy Habit (July 30).
#SummerofBodyLove

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