Tag Archives: allowing

How letting go of the desire to control everything slowly granted me emotional freedom

I am investigating the importance of speaking my truth. And acknowledging, allowing, and accepting my emotions.

We hear that a lot. At least I do. From teachers and coaches and writers and influencers. And sometimes it makes sense to me but sometimes I’m like “I know I’m saying this thing that is GOOD but I don’t fully understand why.”

And last night something came together.

Last night I started to further understand – in my body and soul – the importance of not only speaking my own truth, but acknowledging, accepting, and allowing my feelings instead of shaming myself for having certain feelings {i.e. sadness, guilt, despair, etc.}

Sometimes I am afraid to say how I feel because I am scared to let people down. I am scared of messing something up. I am scared of causing someone pain. I am scared of upsetting something.

And so what does all of the  above really mean?

It means that I sometimes find myself terrified of speaking my truth and my feelings because I don’t want to lose control over a situation.

For a long time this was my default. And so, I would remain silent. For fear I would cause an upset, to myself or another person. I was afraid I’d lose control.

And so, I remained silent.

Silence is still sometimes my jam. But it doesn’t always serve me.

And I’ve spent a huge portion of the last decade learning about my own emotions. Primarily, what exactly to do (or not do) with them.

What I realized in that instant I uttered those words [I am afraid to say how I feel because…] is that I internalized the feelings, the hurt, the discomfort , and the pain.

And all of that discomfort materialized into more visible symptoms like anxiety, panic, and an eating disorder.

So what’s the point of even coming to this conclusion?

The point is that I see even greater value in being able to acknowledge and allow my feelings to process and to express them when a situation calls for it.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve bit my tongue and not said how I felt or what I thought because I feared judgment and I feared my world spinning out of control.

Freaking Control…

So now it’s about loosening the reigns on control. It’s about stepping into the emotions because when I do just that, they aren’t so scary or overwhelming and, usually, after giving them some of my attention (not ALL of it) they slowly fade away.

I don’t suppress them anymore. I don’t pretend that I don’t feel these uncomfortable icky feelings anymore. (And I used to because in my mind that meant I had no control over myself >>> which inevitably led to an eating disorder.)

I recognize that I too am human. I recognize that the emotions I deal with on a daily basis are part of the human experience.

While it may take me a little longer than some to move through emotions, I’m ok with that. I’m learning. I’m being patient with myself.

I’m also learning that emotions don’t have to take the lead! Which means… I’m stepping into my power.

I soften to what I feel. I surrender. I don’t give up on myself. But there’s something in THAT [the softening and surrender] that, for me, let’s the emotions feel less scary. I remember that they, like all things, will eventually pass.

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My version of guilt-free eating…

Have you ever read David Richo’s book “Being an Adult in Relationships”? I know, I’m 33 and I’m STILL not quite an adult in relationships but … I’m working on it. Plus I love the honesty of the title. Like – we are ALL just trying here to be the best human beings we possibly can be.

 

I bring this up for 2 reasons:

  1. Read the book. Whether you’re in a relationship, between relationships, or whatever. It’s incredible.
  2. While reading this book I felt that many of the principles David Richo talks about apply to one very important relationship: the one we have with ourselves. And for us body image goddess warriors, the relationship we have with food and eating.

 

I applied Richo’s Five A’s of Mindful Loving to mindful eating, or what I like to think of as ‘guilt-free eating.’ Now I know what you might be thinking and NO I’m not going to tell you to skip the ice cream or whatever your favorite food might be. This actually has to do a lot with our mindset and how we treat ourselves around food and eating.

 

Without further ado, here are my five A’s to guilt-free, loving, mindful eating. Plus at the end download my pretty graphic! XO

 

ATTENTION

Practice being aware of yourself and your deepest needs, desires, and feelings around food. Listen to your needs, desires, and feelings. Notice what you are saying and doing around food and eating. Give yourself the loving attention that you deserve.

 

ACCEPTANCE

See your eating habits with understanding. In order to make changes we need to feel safe and relaxed. Even on your “bad days” – can you accept yourself? Can you recognize your own truth? From a non-judgmental point of view. Even if the truth is messy or uncomfortable. When we feel accepted, we feel safe and stable.

 

APPRECIATION

We must feel appreciated in order to feel loved. Appreciate the work you have already done to get you to where you are today. Appreciate your best days, your really good days, and your messy days. Appreciation means feeling deserving and worthy of self-love and self-respect.

 

AFFECTION

How can you display affection toward yourself? A warm bath, a cup of herbal tea, a mediation practice, yoga, a hike in the woods. Affection is the pairing of attention, acceptance, and appreciation. When those 3 are aligned, affection flows!

 

ALLOWING

Let yourself be who you are. Today, tomorrow, and every day after that. Allowing does not mean you do not create boundaries around food, but that these boundaries are established from a place of self-love and ACCEPTANCE of who you are and where you are at from one moment to the next.

 

I made a pretty purple graphic to help you more easily navigate the Five A’s of guilt-free eating and you can download the PDF here.

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Webinar Series: Release Body Shame

I’m excited to announce a brand new webinar series I am launching this summer – beginning June 16!

Release Body Shame

Experience freedom from the entrapment of body shame.

Why Release Body Shame? And, what is it anyway?
I spent the bulk of my early twenties battling an eating disorder. It was primarily through yoga and a mindfulness practice that I was able to heal myself. My journey continues to this day as I work toward releasing my own body shame (buried deep within my own trenches) through developing a more rich practice that supports me as I get older.

Release Body Shame will be an experience that allows you to begin the self-inquiry pertaining to your own relationship with your body. We will open the conversation about body image as it pertains to our culture and ourselves as human beings.

Throughout the webinar series we will work with the 5 A’s: Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing – to better understand how we can change the story that we tell ourselves and how we can begin to better release the shame we hold onto about our bodies.

Click here to learn more and sign up today! XO

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