Category Archives: forgiveness

Stop trying so hard and let the heart lead.

I think… when we are not sure about a person’s presence in our lives – be it a friendship or romantic partner or what – we must listen to that sense of uncertainty.

Especially if we are considering giving them a seat at our table.

For me recently this has shown up as resistance, reluctance… not knowing. Trying my hardest to figure out if I should really let this person in on a deeper level, even when my body, heart, and soul were screaming “NO.”

So I stopped trying so hard to figure it out with my mind.

I watched as my heart surrounded itself with a protective layer and then gave it time to slowly remove that protective layer.

And then without even trying, i noticed the resistance and reluctance ease up. I felt my heart open up. WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.

It just feels like… clarity. It just feels like knowing what the right thing for me to do is. I don’t have to hem and haw.

The answers start becoming so crystal clear when we let the heart lead. If you are even in that position of hemming and hawing over whether to date a person or maintain a friendship with someone who treats you less than, don’t TRY to make any decisions.

See if you can just sit with the feelings in your heart and the somatic sensations in your body. What are the messages you are receiving?

Often when we do this a ton of emotional shit will surface. You may find yourself punching a pillow, or screaming at the top of your lungs in the woods, or on your bedroom floor curled up beside you dog bawling your eyes out.

Do what your human self needs to do to really let these emotions flow and move. They are energy, and they want to move! Allow these emotions to move through you.

You can think of it like you are releasing any old baggage or beliefs that aren’t even yours – beliefs you’ve picked up along the way that have influenced how you’ve been in relationship, how you’ve chosen your people… and you can release these beliefs now.

Make room for new ones that YOU create. From YOUR HEART. You will start to feel the difference between knowing whether or not a person, an opportunity, a place is right for you or not – in that moment. You will learn to feel it in your bones and your heart.

You will know what a “NO” feels like – and in this NO you are really saying yes to honoring your soul.

 

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Self-Respect

Years ago my mom sent me a Joan Didion essay titled “Self Respect.” It was so damn long. And I felt so much resistance to reading it.

I knew it was her way of encouraging me to re-evaluate the relationship I was in at the time (with a narcissist). And she wasn’t the only one who dropped the self-respect bomb. Many friends begged me to drop this man out of respect for myself.

For anyone who’s ever been involved with a narcissist, you know how difficult it can feel to get out. And with this particular relationship, it took him nearly getting us into an accident and driving recklessly to seal the deal for me. I had a shred of self-respect to walk away from that relationship without question, no turning back. No getting back together for the umpteenth time.

But I’m not here to bash on narcissists or our relationships with them. I’m here to talk about self-respect. Enough space and time and healing has transpired to take accountability for my role in this relationship – I chose to stay for as long as I did. I chose to turn down the volume on the warnings from friends and family. Even from my own heart. I did things during this time that I wasn’t proud of. Mostly things that harmed myself.

I share this now because I’m noticing something in my life. I notice how I so deeply value myself in a way that I never have before. I guard my time like a hawk and refuse to engage in any social activity that does not serve my heart.

Spending time with anyone I don’t jive with and who doesn’t revive me is no longer an option. Sleeping well and waking up feeling good are more important than any party or late night or great sex.

My morning and evening rituals have become my rock, my home base, returning back to my sense of belonging.

Because I know what it feels like to be deeply cared for. And it’s occurring to me – this is what real deal self-respect feels like.

THIS is what my mom so desperately wanted for me. THIS is what I avoided reading about in Joan Didion’s essay.

I live daily from a space of love, while maintaining boundaries.  I protect and stand up for the little girl inside me with all I’ve got. I’m still figuring it out. I’m not perfect, I slip up from time to time and spend hours at an event that just sucks the life out of me. Or I’ll go on a date I’m actually dreading.

And it’s ok. I forgive myself after and I move forward.

 

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Enough.

As a recovering perfectionist, I was never enough.

And I was terrified of failing, so I got in my own way and often wouldn’t even try.
I wouldn’t speak up for myself when I was overlooked because I wasn’t enough.

I couldn’t take a compliment when I played a solid piano recital or got a good grade because I always believed there was more that I could do. I could do better. That other girl played WAY better than me anyway.

Feeling like you are not enough is the equivalent to not accepting and loving yourself. 

Nothing you do is ever good enough. No mountain is high enough because you are always looking to the next mountain to climb, even when you reach the top of the first mountain!
[That mountain analogy came from a conversation about enough-ness with a very dear friend of mine – she came up with it, and I just love it.]

If you are struggling with “not enough-ness” there is probably some lack of self-acceptance and self-love stuff going on. 

And it really doesn’t take a whole lot or even a long time to move through it. It does require acknowledging your state of enough-ness.

You’re never going to believe you are enough just because people tell you so – YOU have to believe it so.

So…
What is enough? What does it feel like to FEEL LIKE ENOUGH?
I’d love to share with you what it means and feels like to me…
It feels like right in this moment all that I have done and all that I am – I accept.
It feels like peace.
It feels like unconditional love.
It feels like my shoulders soften and my heart opens.
It feels like a gentle cry.
It feels like accepting and loving me no matter how hard I fall.

Enough feels like total freaking freedom.

What does enough feel like to you?

Please share this with someone who needs to hear these words.

With Love,

MC

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Sometimes yoga looks like three folding chairs. {yoga of recovery}

Sometimes yoga looks like three fold-up chairs in a group therapy room that smells like coffee. And you talk about the things you feel ashamed of, you share the things you think no one wants to hear because you are afraid they will judge you or not accept you or not love you.

And you use this space to practice being you. You use this space to practice being human.

And you find out that the other dude has a similar story to mine and I’ve known him for X months and we never shared this.

Because yoga looks like intimacy. Looks like trust. Looks like holding space for someone, no matter what.

Oh and then maybe we do some poses, or we just keep talking for the remaining 26 minutes or something. And sometimes you hear a story that breaks your heart and you’re so damn grateful that the person is there, sitting across from you telling their story.

You’re so damn grateful that they weren’t successful at giving up on this life. You’re so damn grateful they are here telling you how grateful they are for the simple things in their life, the things they always took for granted.

And you realize how grateful you are for everyone who has ever held space for you. Who has ever listened to you and let you open up. And just BEEN there.

It is truly a gift that we get to surround ourselves with these people as we grow older. I’m grateful for all the souls who hold space for me. 


To just be me. 

#thankyouthankyouthankyou

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You never have to apologize for who you are.

Hey,

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. And by “here” I mean connecting with you through this blog, sharing a part of my soul or a spark of inspiration that comes to me.

You see, over the past month I have …

  • Been healing from a break-up.
  • Unpacking the contents of my house that I had to unexpectedly move out of.
  • Re-homed my 2 kitties, 2 times.
  • Had my MailChimp account compromised and hacked (not to worry – no emails or personal data is at risk).
  • Decided to make things like FUN and COMMUNITY more of a priority than dating or making sure I “get all the jobs” and further my career.

And through all of this, one thing stands out. It is this:

I no longer want to hide parts of myself that I at one point in my life felt embarrassed about.

This does not mean I need to disclose every single detail of my personal life.

This DOES mean:

  • I’m no longer apologizing for the human being that I am becoming.
  • I am celebrating my body, mind, heart, and spirit – and everything I have been through thus far in this life.
  • I’m sharing more authentically and honestly. (So, like, if someone asks how I’m doing and I’m having a shitty day, I’ll tell them I’m feeling kinda low.)

How about you? Do you hide parts of yourself?

Often we do this because we are afraid we will not be accepted or loved. We are afraid people will turn our backs on us if they know that one thing we value so deeply but don’t share with anyone.

I learned several years ago that people WILL leave us sometimes. I lost a few of my oldest friends from growing up when I was about 27 because I began to honor my values and I began to create boundaries. It was a hard pill to swallow and in hindsight I learned that those weren’t my people because they didn’t celebrate all parts of me. And that’s perfectly ok!

This is not to demonize anyone. This is to let you know that A) it is normal for humans to hide parts of ourselves (especially in a culture that does not condone all body shapes, colors, sizes, etc.) and that B) it is normal for us to lose friends/partners when we do reveal all parts of ourselves.

But guess what?

When we stop hiding, and we begin celebrating all parts of ourselves, we begin to gravitate toward and attract the people who will really lift us up and celebrate WITH US. 

Doesn’t that sound way more enjoyable than pretending you are someone you’re not?

It certainly does to me. And it certainly feels a whole lot better and comes with a heck of a lot of freedom!

Today I invite you to explore: allow one part of yourself you’ve been hiding to peak its head out from the shadows – send that part of yourself extra love today. Love in the form of gentle self-talk, a bath, an extra show on Netflix, a nutritious meal, time with a friend who accepts all parts of you…

And just see what happens.

With so much love.

Always,

Maggie

PS. Stay tuned as I’ve got an exciting announcement coming this week about TWO NEW PROGRAMS I am opening up. You can sign up to get my emails here >>> http://eepurl.com/czLI35

PPS. Need some guidance today? Reach out to me via email at maggie.converse@gmail.com .

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How I healed myself from my eating disorder

I healed myself from my eating disorder.

How?

Yoga

Meditation

Journaling and writing

Nature

Mindfulness

Breath awareness

But what this all ultimately amounted to was that I was (at times unknowingly) cultivating a spiritual practice.

I think I’ve always been spiritual but wasn’t fully aware of it until this past decade of spiritual growth.

And I read a sign the other day when I took a trip to my local dispensary that read:

Faith is not believing God can, it’s knowing that he will.

And insert any word you prefer for God: source, the Universe, vortex, nature, etc.

In my path to healing I always had the knowingness that I was not on this journey alone. I didn’t have a word for what (or who) was supporting and guiding me, but I always had faith that I was never alone.

Because for the human body and mind alone to recover from ANYTHING is a gargantuan task. In any recovery and healing process, we are always supported.

Whether that support comes in the way of discovering a meditation practice or stumbling upon teachers, coaches, and therapists that are able to guide you in just the right direction … or a book that truly illuminates what you have been wondering all along …

Universal support and guidance is ALWAYS available to you. You simply have to open up your body, mind, and soul to receive that guidance.

It does not mean that you don’t do any of the work. But that most of the work is in turning inward, getting quiet, and leaving space for that guidance to appear.

And so it was the tools of yoga, meditation, and writing that enabled me to open up this space for my spiritual intuition and connection to strengthen.

So that I was able to recognize (and to this day STILL recognize) when I was potentially harming myself – emotionally, physically, physiologically, etc.

And if I felt I could not do it alone, I asked for guidance.

I ask for guidance every single day. In every situation imaginable.

Again – this does NOT mean that I just sit there and wait for shit to happen. But when I take action, I do so with deep awareness. And I listen and I look for the guidance.

And guess what?

The guidance ALWAYS appears.

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THIS is the house of belonging

I have been thinking a lot about what it means
to feel a sense of belonging in our bodies and I shared
this with my email list this morning…

Because it’s about more than just loving our bodies.
It’s about a mindset that no one can fuck with my inner peace.

No one can tamper with my power.
No one can take away who I am at my core.

We only experience the above when
we ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN.

For example, someone once told me that I’m running
my business all wrong and how I should be running
my business completely differently.

This was unsolicited advice.
It came across very harsh. I thought the person
telling me all these things was mean and disrespectful.

And afterwards I felt completely deflated.
I blamed it on the person for months. I couldn’t shake it.

Until it hit me that I was allowing this person to tamper
with my power, my inner knowing, and my inner peace.

If anything this was a very valuable gift in
showing me this very lesson!

It took months for me to realize what was happening –
that I was the one putting myself down and questioning
myself by buying into and believing what this other person
said over my own beliefs.

When your inner knowing and intuition and connection to
your self and understanding of yourself are SO STRONG …

Not a single soul can mess with you.
Not a single soul can throw you off track.

We connect with that inner knowing through meditation, mindfulness,
and awareness throughout our entire day.

It’s a very simple concept. It’s not necessarily easy to get to that place,
but we ALL have the capacity to tap into our inner knowing and not get
so thrown off by external circumstances.

Because…
We always have this house of belonging, wherever we go.

Our bodies.

With Love,
Maggie

PS. Want more daily teachings and access to me?
Connect with me in one of my FB groups here:
>Living Beyond ED Recovery
>Belonging in The Body
XO

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The Diet Stops … HERE.

I’m re-launching my holistic health coaching program. I became a health coach many years ago because people kept asking me health-related questions and I wanted to be more informed and also because my sister was doing the program and it sounded interesting to me. Haha. Truth!

Becoming a health coach was an interesting process and initially once I became certified and got clients MOST of those clients just wanted to lose weight.

What I really wanted, at my core, was to teach people how to have a healthier relationship to food and exercise. And to do this from a spiritual place.

But I didn’t know how to say that. And actually I felt a little afraid people would judge or not want to work with me if I said the “S” word – spirituality.

Now, spirituality is a non-negotiable for me. All that really means is, I can’t not have it come up with the people I spend most of my time with. It doesn’t mean I force anything on anyone, but that the way I explain and understand most things in life comes from a spiritual place.

And so as I’m rebuilding my holistic health coaching program I am finally offering something that feels like a huge YES.

It feels like me because i’m not asking anyone to weigh themselves. EVER.
I’m not asking people to never eat certain foods.
I’m not asking people to watch as their waste band shrinks.

I mean, I never really asked people to do these things in the first place. But I feel more firm in my convictions now than ever.

I’m teaching people to love what they’ve already got.

OK, at the very least to accept what they’ve already got.

The body that God gave them.
The mind God gave them.
The soul God gave them.

You have to accept yourself and your circumstances, at all times. Or growth just will not happen. It might happen for a split second, but then you’ll go back to old habits and patterns.

So I ask this of my clients – accept yourself and your circumstances AT ALL TIMES. Then watch as you grow.

So growth starts from the place of true acceptance.

Once you get THAT ^^^ everything begins to fall into place.

That is a promise.

XO,
Maggie

PS. Stay tuned for the official announcement of my holistic health coaching program! If you want even more teachings like this and real-time video teachings from me, join my Spiritual Coaching for Living Beyond Recovery Facebook Group.

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I used to want to be anything other than myself.

I love listening to talk radio in the mornings. Like the early early mornings 7am and earlier – on my way to see clients.

It’s one of those “guilty pleasures” although I feel no guilt about it. So, it’s one of my pleasures.

Z100, 95.5 are two of my favorites. Though Z100 has a soft spot in my heart because I have been listening since I was a teenager. Wow!

And I do listen to news on occasion but when it’s this early (we are talking in the car by 5:45am some mornings) I need to keep it light. I want to hear my horoscope and how the Shaun Mendes concert was last night.

Something I notice is that when they take breaks on the radio they often segue into a segment about “I’m using this fabulous product for body contouring. This body contouring product gives me confidence and makes me happy!”

I don’t blame the DJs. They are simply doing their job. And usually I turn down the volume or flip to another channel because: listening to this does not serve me.

Also, in my head I am saying:

People: body contouring alone is not the quick fix that’s gonna make you happy people

What I want to do sometimes (in my little dream world in my head) is this:

Call into the station and start talking about how body contouring or going on a diet and losing weight might give you confidence … but it’s temporary.

The only way the confidence and joy and happiness will stick is if you do the inner work.

These qualities we want in life, they’re an inside job. They do not come from our external circumstances or conditions.

While we might feel extremely excited and happy when we get a dog – the excitement wears off if we aren’t truly committed to accepting and loving the whole dog experience unconditionally. We can’t sign up for a dog just to snuggle with us when we are feeling blue. We have to commit to it all: the daily walks, picking up poop, training the dog, taking it to the vet.

We have to commit to accepting and loving the whole human experience unconditionally. The highs and lows. The fuck-ups and the accomplishments. The stability and instability. The joy and the pain. The growth and the loss.

The way I see it, I have three ways I can respond to these radio ads:

  1. Be convinced that yes, I do need to change the way my body looks in order to feel good. Period.
  2. Get angry. Get angry that these ads perpetuate the judgment and hate that permeates so much of our society.
  3. See it as an opportunity. It’s an opportunity to see the contrast: they are telling me one thing and I’m just like “Nope. Actually I like that my left thigh has that little dimple in it. I don’t even care about my thighs looking smooth and seamless anymore. Or the rest of my body. I want all the shapes and dents and dimples… all of them. I actually feel really good in my body.” And so forth. This is the new story. And i can go on with it. For a long, long time.

In total honesty, I sometimes do get angry. But if I stay angry, that’s choosing my old story and I’m already living the new one. So I don’t want to linger in the old anger story for too long.

In fact, I stay there less and less and it gets easier to move from #2 to #3. Or jump right to #3.

It took me years to get over not being perfect. And I’m not just talking about my body. I’m talking my clothes, my writing, my vocabulary, my education, anything you can think of – I was severely judgmental toward myself. I was convinced that if I wasn’t happy all the time, I was failing. I believed that if I was angry or jealous or sad or did anything imperfectly, I was failing.

I used to feel so sad that I wasn’t something else. I used to feel disappointed that I wasn’t anything other than myself.

And now … now I wouldn’t want to be anything other than myself. Even on the dark days. Even where there is struggle.

I take myself. I love myself no matter what.

For anyone out there who hears these radio ads (or any other messages from media or society telling you that your body needs to be a different way in order to be accepted/happy/confident) and jumps to #1 … I encourage you to explore the inner work first.

There’s no rush. Just check in and see what happens.

If you’d like some guidance on getting to the inner work, please fill out my contact form and we can set up a call. 

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But… What if I mess up?

Sometimes I hide behind the veil of:

 

I’m afraid of being wrong / What if I’m wrong?

 

Or it might sound something like this:

 

What if they judge me? (Which really is “what if I slay the judgement on myself?)

 

OR…

What if I mess up? WHAT IF I MESS UP?

 

Because GOD FORBID I mess up!!! Then what?!??! (<<<the internal dialogue.)

 

THIS is the {very old} drum I catch myself beating when something feels scary. When I was climbing down waterfalls and up steep ledges last weekend in New Hampshire, I found myself physically STUCK at times. And do you know why that is? Because I was so fucking scared of messing up.

 

Because even after many years of working on myself, there are still the occasional moments where these mindsets feel like dear old friends. They feel familiar. They feel comfortable. They feel, in a funny way, safe.

 

When I know damn well these mindsets hold me back. These mindsets prohibit me from:

 

Asking for what I need.

Speaking my truth.

Taking a chance on something I believe in.

Feeling fucking amazing.

Embracing my successes and building them.

 

There is a perfectionist within me that has definitely gotten smaller and less prevalent over the years. But sometimes, she likes to rear her little head and say things like:

 

But … what if you fuck this up? Better to keep quiet. Better to shut down than be your big bold self.

 

So where do we go when we feel stuck in old patterns?

 

The good news: the only way to go is up.

 

Make a shift. Ask for what you need. Give less fucks about being judged or being wrong or MESSING UP.

 

And in fact, GET CURIOUS about what happens when you mess up. Because is it really so bad? Usually… nope.

 

And… you can never really mess up because … even if it feels like you mess up … you always have the opportunity to learn something.

 

Thank you for tuning in and reading (if you’ve made it this far.)

 

Tell me: what are your old patterns/beliefs and how do you bust through them?

I provide loads of this kind of work and guidance in my fall mentorship. To help you bust through old beliefs, patterns, and thoughts. Trust me, it’s good stuff. Click this link>>> http://www.maggieconversemethod.com/events/2017/9/15/fall-mentorship

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